Tag Archives: ancestry

Apr25

Bienvenue.

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Bienvenue.

The time has finally come for us to visit Quebec and meet Fernand, his daughter Mel, and just ultimately get to that culmination of all these years of work and piecing together the mystery of my dad’s biological family. This past fall, I pulled the trigger and booked the airline tickets for us to fly out east. I planned it differently, though-we would fly into Toronto, rent a car, drive to Quebec City and stay for a bit just the three of us (Dan, myself and Andy) and then go to meet Fernand and Mel. We’d then finish the trip in Toronto for a few nights.

To say I was anxious the weeks leading up to the trip would be the understatement of the year. I was wired. I was worked up. My blood pressure was honestly through the roof (and I know this for a fact because I stupidly had my blood pressure monitor testing done a week before the trip and I know the results are wild). I mean, lets summarize this all (especially if this is the first time you’ve happened upon my page)

My dad was born in 1952 in Quebec City and was given up at an orphanage, La Creche St Vincent De Paul. Two years later, he was adopted by an American couple. He was fortunate to have a life full of some pretty incredible opportunities and experiences. He met my mom, married, they had me. He never wanted to find out about his birth family (or so he always told us) and it became apparent later that into the 2000s it would have been tricky to do so anyway due to adoption laws in Quebec. My dad died unexpectantly in 2004, at age 51. I was 19. I kept always wondering about his story. Where he came from. What my background was from him. I dabbled in attempting online searching. I wasn’t able to get anything from the province of Quebec right away, since I wasn’t the adoptee. Husband and I went to Quebec in 2014 where I was able to see a museum with insight on my dad’s orphanage experience, along with the site of the orphanage. I did two different online DNA testing kits, and also had my mother do one so it could split the paternal/maternal matches. I matched eventually with a gentleman named Fernand, on 23 and Me. We started messaging during the pandemic-knowing we were related as “1st cousin 1x removed” and from my father’s side; but how? Could not pin point where my dad was connected. In 2024, Quebec changed the laws the allow other generations of the adopted individual to gain access to their birth mother and possibly, birth father’s, name. I sent in my application on the date they opened in June 2024. I was put in a queue. I was eventually contacted early Spring of 2025. I had a few Zoom call interviews with workers in Montreal and eventually was given the names of my dad’s birth parents-Clothilde Lemay and Maurice Cusson. Maurice would turn out to be Fernand’s uncle.

This whole thing is ultimately wild. I don’t know how much this post tonight will make sense, as I am having myself finish writing it on what is actually the 22nd anniversary of my dad’s premature passing. But I want to get this out there and preserved and to continue reflecting on it all.

So we flew to Toronto to begin our spring break adventure. Driving away from the craziness of Toronto (14 lanes of traffic across!) and making it to Gananoque, Ontario, for the night was step one. I chose Gananoque for a reason, actually, as our first stop. I had been there in 1994 with my parents and best friend, Ali, as we visited my Grandpa Lammers and his second wife, Jean. Jean had a cabin in the 1000 Islands area from when she was married to her first husband. Grandpa Lammers and Grandma Jean got together after both their spouses passed. Their story is a soap opera in itself, and not for this post…but I had been here before and wanted to have a short stop over again. Nostalgia.

The next day, we headed to Quebec City. Took a perfect roadside gas station picture as we crossed the border and just like that…. everything was in French. On the way, we found a Cabane a sucre for lunch. This was an amazing experience! Everything was doused in maple syrup, and we learned about the process of tapping the maple trees to get the maple water used for making authentic maple syrup.

We stayed at the Hilton right across from the legislature building for 2 nights. We spoiled ourselves while there by staying on the Executive Level, where we had lounge access and a great view of Quebec City. We strolled Old Quebec, found attractions for Andy to enjoy, took in the heated outdoor pool, and had a fabulous dinner at Le Hobbit. During the visit to Quebec City, we also found our way back to the site of my dad’s orphanage. This is now a collection of many medical offices and other commercial spaces. It was Good Friday on the day we went, so the public buildings were closed. But we walked around the grounds and found the memorial for the babies born at the hospital and the Sisters of Good Shepard who took care of them back when it was La Creche St Vincent de Paul.

On the day we headed to meet Fernand, I didn’t know what to expect. Dan drove. I sat. And just thought that “I can’t believe this is happening.” I was also thinking crazy things…worried we would drive up to his supposed address in St. Liboire, ring the doorbell, and no one would answer. Ghosted.

We approached the small town of St. Liboire. After stopping at a roadside cheese store first, naturally. This was it. We rang the doorbell. I held my breath. And then, Fernand and Mel (along with their doggos) opened the door and welcomed us with hugs. I teared up hugging Mel-these people are real people. They are my family. HOLY SHIT.

We stayed with Fernand and Mel for two nights. He and Mel were fantastic hosts. Fernand is in his mid 80s. Mel is close to our age and lives in Montreal. She sees her dad close to every other weekend (it’s about 1-1.5 hours away). And what amazing people they are. He was such an incredible host in his house for these two nights and made our family feel so welcomed. He prepared so much in terms of food and experience. He was our tour guide (as Mel was the chauffer!) to show us Cusson family history that surrounded him. We saw old houses, cemeteries, land. He told us stories. He showed up family trees. We shared pictures.

One extremely special thing we witnessed was when Fernand took Andy on a little hike through the forest that backs onto his house. I cannot explain how it felt to see this happen. How absolutely wild it all was.

I know maybe the readers of this post would expect me to talk more about the stay. But it is hard to put into words. What I Can say is this—Fernand & Mel are family. And I felt a connection to them immediately. Mel and I joked that not only was I worried they would ghost us, but she also stated she worried slightly that we maybe were scammers! Meeting everyone in person put those crazy uncertainties to rest. And I can say with certainty that this will not be the only time I see them.

I was born and raised in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin, area…yet I am 1/4 Quebecois. And I now have the family connection to that part of my life story. It does feel weird to now know all of this, without my dad ever knowing it. But I am beyond proud and happy with the result of all the hard work I have done to confirm these facts. There is still more to learn, and anything Fernand is willing to share with us I am beyond appreciative of. I now know my link to the Cusson family. It is just even more crazy to see myself here-a Canadian who finally confirmed all her roots and history deeply entrenched in Quebec.

Bienvenue…Bienvenue…Je me souviens…

In memory of Andrew Anthony Lammers/Joseph Luc Parent/ son of Maurice Cusson & Clothilde Lemay

June 7th, 1952-April 25th, 2004

Dec1

The Third Act

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I am writing this post now close to 6 months after I found out the information. I last wrote about how I found information regarding my dad’s birth mother. And how I am a bit at a standstill finding out more regarding her, as she doesn’t appear to have had any more children other than my dad. And the information I can piece together about a marriage is very limited.

When I spoke with Fanny, who I mentioned was my original counsellor from Quebec, one of the first things she commented on my dad’s file was that it was not common to have both the birth mother and birth father’s names. Now, they couldn’t guarantee with 100% certainty that the birth father name was correct, as they were going on the word of Clothilde when she dropped my dad off at the orphanage. But the likelihood of her making up who the birth father was would be slim.

Let’s just cut to the chase. I have a name. My dad’s birth father is Maurice Cusson.

Want to know the crazy part? I immediately knew who would know who this was. And that person is Fernand.

I wrote about Fernand a bit, starting in 2020. The link to this post is here, and at that time I just assumed that my 23 and Me connection meant that we could somehow figure out the birth mother. He exchanged emails with me during the pandemic and we tried to pin down which aunt of his could possibly have had a child out of wedlock. We got to a point where we MAYBE thought we had who it was, but this person was already deceased and her surviving children did not want to talk to Fernand. Fernand was always very kind and really seemed invested in helping me out. Our conversations and emails lessened in the past 2 years or so, but I did every once and a while check in with him.

When I knew I was getting information directly from Quebec, I emailed him and let him know. I was honestly surprised to keep hearing from him—not sure if he would have gotten sick of me, maybe he was now older and not in the right health to talk…but he acknowledged he wanted to know what I find out.

So, when I got that name….Maurice Cusson….Cusson. That was the last name of Fernand’s grandfather. I knew this from our conversations and seeing things on Ancestry.com. So we were on the right track. So I had to immediately email Fernand and I sent him that name to find out the connection. His response:

Maurice Cusson was my uncle, my mother (Florence) brother! He was a « sailor »,  I believe I mentioned it, électricien, on a summer cruise ship, river cruise. He and his wife lived in Sorel, Que. Maurice was very nice person.  I will dig up pictures and some anecdotes. We are cousin!

So, that means….this man, who is still alive and well in Quebec….named Fernand….is my dad’s first cousin. A cousin of my dad’s is alive and well. HOLY SHIT.

Fernand has sent me numerous photos of Maurice that he has dug up. His older brother, Roger, has also helped with the genealogy quest and is involved with sending me anecdotes. For so many years, I knew so little. Now, my world has opened up.

The main thing worth noting is that Maurice & his wife never had children of their own. We have no idea if Maurice had any idea that he possibly fathered a child. The connection we have made with what Maurice did for a living (sailor) and what Clothilde did for a living (worked on a ship) makes it very clear this was either a one-night stand or affair of some kind. Maurice was born in 1913 and then passed away in 1987. Maurice had many brothers and sisters, along with nieces and nephews. But he didn’t appear to know about his son. When he fathered my dad, he would have been around 40 years old. And with his death being in the late 80s, there was no chance of us having access to the Quebec adoption records at that time. So really, even my dad had wanted to know, he probably could have never found out.

So now I know about Clothilde & Maurice. And I have a smattering of photos of Maurice. And the craziest part…I now have flights booked for myself, Dan and Andy to head to Quebec over Easter. We are meeting Fernand. I am meeting my dad’s cousin. Even typing that is wild and my eyes swell every time, no joke. I am meeting family that I have dreamt about for so long, not knowing if they would actually exist or that I could find them. Wow.

Sep18

Act II

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This post will be about my second phone call with Fanny, where I found out the name of the birth mother (along with some other tidbits). When Fanny set up for us to have this call in mid May, it came to my surprise to hear that she would be leaving her job position.

My first thought: fuck. I won’t get everything I need.

Yes, that was selfish. But I have been waiting for so long to find out this information, I was a bit scared that my case would get shuffled back into a long queue, not paid attention to the same way she did. We had our first call together before I went to the London Marathon and she gave me some rich background information. She wanted to have this call occur before she was leaving her job, so she could give me the birth mother information that she had confirmed.

Clothilde Lemay.

That is my grandmother’s name. Clothilde. Lemay.

Just like in the first call, she couldn’t release exact birth dates or death dates, locations, etc. And now that this call happened back in May, I don’t remember exactly what we spoke about. One interesting thing was brought up, thought-she hinted that maybe I could find something regarding Clothilde’s father, as there was a documentary put out by NFB (National film board) that included him. He was a musician. She couldn’t directly share his name, but she must had found it in her search and made sure I looked it up to put it all together. So I did. It’s a bit odd and interesting all at once. I have watched it and have all sorts of thoughts. (Here is the link too: https://www.nfb.ca/series/le-son-des-francais-damerique-english-version/season1/les-gens-du-plaisir-en/ )

Clothilde was an only child. She never had any other children other than my dad. It appears she may have gotten married again, but never had another child with her husband. In my Ancestry.com searches, there is no more paths from her name. Cannot find a grave. Cannot find a burial. What I have is below:

Died young. Close to my dad’s age. What I can piece together on ancestry is below. And if we put this all into perspective, she died before I was even born. So in a way, it is comforting knowing that I didn’t ‘just miss out’ on finding her. I wasn’t even here. My dad hadn’t even met my mom yet. Finding her wasn’t on my dad’s radar.

I have found no pictures of Clothilde online. No obituary. No photos shared on ancestry. She is a mystery. I do, as you saw above, have video of my great-grandfather though. Which is absolutely insane. And what I did four weeks ago is more insane: I decided to google up one of the directors of that documentary. His name is Andre’ Gladu. And according to the internet, he is still alive.

I found him on Facebook and sent him a message. He has not replied yet, or read it. So a few days ago I sent him a friend request. I have no clue if he will read it or acknowledge it. If someone wants to help a girl out and see if he’ll read this, work your magic:

So. I learned my grandmother’s name. Clothilde Lemay. My dad’s biological mom. This was always what I wanted to find out. I was met with so many emotions over those first days of finding out. I cried. I felt sad for her and her story. To have a son, to have to give him up….to get married but never have a second chance at her own family…dying young….it’s crazy. I was always on the search for my dad’s birth mom and I was worried that now, with now knowing the name and even now months later not knowing much about her at all…that this was all for nothing.

But trust me. It only gets better from here.

And that will be part of Act III.

Sep17

So close, yet so far…

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So that post I did a little bit ago, about all the information I was getting close to sharing? I’m kind of stuck.

See, this blog was originally started because I was going to talk about my running, my love for Disney world, and my dad. In 2013, I did a ton of races, raised money for American Heart Association & Heart and Stroke Foundation, and trained for RunDisney races like a boss. I did this all for the memory of my dad and it helped me focus on something positive surrounding the still tough-for-me grieving process.

I always hoped we could find information about my dad’s birth family, as he was adopted. For those who haven’t followed for a long time, my dad was adopted from an orphanage in Quebec City in 1954. He was born there in 1952.

I have done DNA tests with 23 and Me and Ancestry in hopes that someone close enough in relation would pop up. 4th, 5th, 6th cousins are galore. But that doesn’t really get you anywhere.

The first week in August, a woman with the closest connection yet to me on 23 and me from my father’s side showed up.On 23 and Me I know with certainty it’s from my dad’s side, as my mom has done the DNA testing and it can sort based on us connecting as mother/daughter on the page. I messaged this woman, and then shortly after her father had results on the page too. He was even a stronger match.

I have messaged him lots in the past month. He is around 80, lives near Montreal. The predicted relationship according to 23 and Me is that he is my 1st Cousins 1x Removed. The chart on 23 and Me shows that his grandparent would be my great grandparent. He and my dad have the same grandparents!

Not just relying on 23 and Me, this man’s brother does a lot of genealogy tracking for the family on his own. I gave my contact all the dates and information that would be helpful, and in talking with his brother, they narrowed down their ‘candidates’ of family members who may have been my dad’s birth mom.

They are pretty confident they know who is my dad’s mom. I have a first name. They have sent me a few photos of the woman. They have given me bits and pieces of her past which then make sense to the whole story….born in 1926, a ton of other siblings, she was still living at home in the late 40s/early 50s when all the others had moved away. They remember her saying in 1951 she was heading to the US for a nanny position….that’s when we assume she went to the orphanage as an out of wedlock woman to have my dad in secret.

She ended up getting married in 1955/56 and had a family of her own. But then she sort of removed herself from the rest of the family. My contact said her and her husband eventually separated, but her children are still alive….but he is not sure of what their relationship with their parents has been. She passed away at some point, though her death and reason for death isn’t really known.

I am so close. The potential mother of my dad, my grandma….her kids are still alive. My dad’s potential half siblings. My contact knows where her oldest son is right now, as he put it “alive and well” and in his 60s. But he hasn’t spoken to him in around 15-20 years. He is unsure about approaching him in regards to this situation. I have offered to pay for a 23 and Me test for this potential half brother of my dad. I need answers.

I have been trying to do some digging on Ancestry. I paid for a membership again. Canadian records don’t seem as readily available as US or world records. I am just searching on my own to try to close in on some things. I am not contacting anyone. I am hoping that my contact will decide a time to talk to the one son and we can connect that way.

I don’t want anything from the family other than to have a confirmed blood-line connection to someone who is related to my dad. The closest relationship possible. My dad lived a blessed life. IT was actually a pretty privilege childhood. He was very lucky to have been raised by my grandparents and have his brother Ed. And if this life hadn’t happened for him, he would have never met my mom, he would have never had me, I would have never met Dan, and we wouldn’t have Andy. Things obviously happen for a reason. But now, I want to unlock the past.