Back in January, I wrote and shared the following post:
If you didn’t see it originally, you can read through it. The general gist of it is talking about the experience I had with my miscarriage in January. My husband and I found out I had experienced an Anembryonic Pregnancy (blighted ovum). We found out when I was thought to be around 13 weeks. I had a D&C surgery a few days after, and really had no clue what the next months ahead would be like. Was getting pregnant going to be easy, hard, or somewhere in between? Would this just happen again?
Beginning of March, I take two positive pregnancy tests. Call my OB/GYN because I was concerned that perhaps these were false positives; hormones still floating around in my body from the first pregnancy perhaps? I had three blood tests to see if the HCG hormone levels were rising properly. They were. I had an ultrasound at what was guessed to be 5.5 weeks. Couldn’t see much, but the tech did capture a video clip that showed a little blip of some kind. Came back the following week and the tech could confirm that YES, an embryo and fetal pole had developed. We saw a heart beat. This was all new to us, since we never saw this the first pregnancy.
I was an anxious mess the following weeks, as we had to wait until after Easter holidays for the First Trimester Screen test. This was the test where we found out the sad news in January. Even though we saw the heartbeat at 6.5 weeks, and even though I was gaining some weight and having other pregnancy symptoms…I still didn’t believe this was real. We drove to Calgary on April 24th for the appointment. Once the ultrasound wand hit my belly BOOM-Baby. Baby moving around. Stretching out. Fist pumping. Yawning. There was a baby!
I measured at 13 weeks 5 days, and baby was about 6.4 cm long. While some of our close family and friends knew what was happening (and various others who I couldn’t keep my mouth shut around) we had not made it public knowledge yet. While I wanted to go home and announce it that very night, we waited until the following day.
This is a day that since April 25th, 2004, I have dreaded. It was the day my dad passed away. While in the past few years I have been able to handle the exact day better, the days leading up to it and around it are always tough. There’s usually a breakdown of some kind. It has generally been a sad day since 2004.
We wanted to make April 25th a happy day again. We wanted to make that day into some sweet Lemonade.
I know my dad has been watching over me all these years. There have been lots of moments where he’s been a proud, beaming father. There have been other moments where I can guarantee he was swearing at me for being a f&$king idiot. I know that on this day, April 25th, 2017, he was excited and sharing it with everyone—proud that his baby would be having a baby.
I think about you every day dad. I am so lucky to have had a dad like you.
Je Me Souviens.