Tag Archives: ancestry

Dec1

The Third Act

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I am writing this post now close to 6 months after I found out the information. I last wrote about how I found information regarding my dad’s birth mother. And how I am a bit at a standstill finding out more regarding her, as she doesn’t appear to have had any more children other than my dad. And the information I can piece together about a marriage is very limited.

When I spoke with Fanny, who I mentioned was my original counsellor from Quebec, one of the first things she commented on my dad’s file was that it was not common to have both the birth mother and birth father’s names. Now, they couldn’t guarantee with 100% certainty that the birth father name was correct, as they were going on the word of Clothilde when she dropped my dad off at the orphanage. But the likelihood of her making up who the birth father was would be slim.

Let’s just cut to the chase. I have a name. My dad’s birth father is Maurice Cusson.

Want to know the crazy part? I immediately knew who would know who this was. And that person is Fernand.

I wrote about Fernand a bit, starting in 2020. The link to this post is here, and at that time I just assumed that my 23 and Me connection meant that we could somehow figure out the birth mother. He exchanged emails with me during the pandemic and we tried to pin down which aunt of his could possibly have had a child out of wedlock. We got to a point where we MAYBE thought we had who it was, but this person was already deceased and her surviving children did not want to talk to Fernand. Fernand was always very kind and really seemed invested in helping me out. Our conversations and emails lessened in the past 2 years or so, but I did every once and a while check in with him.

When I knew I was getting information directly from Quebec, I emailed him and let him know. I was honestly surprised to keep hearing from him—not sure if he would have gotten sick of me, maybe he was now older and not in the right health to talk…but he acknowledged he wanted to know what I find out.

So, when I got that name….Maurice Cusson….Cusson. That was the last name of Fernand’s grandfather. I knew this from our conversations and seeing things on Ancestry.com. So we were on the right track. So I had to immediately email Fernand and I sent him that name to find out the connection. His response:

Maurice Cusson was my uncle, my mother (Florence) brother! He was a « sailor »,  I believe I mentioned it, électricien, on a summer cruise ship, river cruise. He and his wife lived in Sorel, Que. Maurice was very nice person.  I will dig up pictures and some anecdotes. We are cousin!

So, that means….this man, who is still alive and well in Quebec….named Fernand….is my dad’s first cousin. A cousin of my dad’s is alive and well. HOLY SHIT.

Fernand has sent me numerous photos of Maurice that he has dug up. His older brother, Roger, has also helped with the genealogy quest and is involved with sending me anecdotes. For so many years, I knew so little. Now, my world has opened up.

The main thing worth noting is that Maurice & his wife never had children of their own. We have no idea if Maurice had any idea that he possibly fathered a child. The connection we have made with what Maurice did for a living (sailor) and what Clothilde did for a living (worked on a ship) makes it very clear this was either a one-night stand or affair of some kind. Maurice was born in 1913 and then passed away in 1987. Maurice had many brothers and sisters, along with nieces and nephews. But he didn’t appear to know about his son. When he fathered my dad, he would have been around 40 years old. And with his death being in the late 80s, there was no chance of us having access to the Quebec adoption records at that time. So really, even my dad had wanted to know, he probably could have never found out.

So now I know about Clothilde & Maurice. And I have a smattering of photos of Maurice. And the craziest part…I now have flights booked for myself, Dan and Andy to head to Quebec over Easter. We are meeting Fernand. I am meeting my dad’s cousin. Even typing that is wild and my eyes swell every time, no joke. I am meeting family that I have dreamt about for so long, not knowing if they would actually exist or that I could find them. Wow.

Sep18

Act II

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This post will be about my second phone call with Fanny, where I found out the name of the birth mother (along with some other tidbits). When Fanny set up for us to have this call in mid May, it came to my surprise to hear that she would be leaving her job position.

My first thought: fuck. I won’t get everything I need.

Yes, that was selfish. But I have been waiting for so long to find out this information, I was a bit scared that my case would get shuffled back into a long queue, not paid attention to the same way she did. We had our first call together before I went to the London Marathon and she gave me some rich background information. She wanted to have this call occur before she was leaving her job, so she could give me the birth mother information that she had confirmed.

Clothilde Lemay.

That is my grandmother’s name. Clothilde. Lemay.

Just like in the first call, she couldn’t release exact birth dates or death dates, locations, etc. And now that this call happened back in May, I don’t remember exactly what we spoke about. One interesting thing was brought up, thought-she hinted that maybe I could find something regarding Clothilde’s father, as there was a documentary put out by NFB (National film board) that included him. He was a musician. She couldn’t directly share his name, but she must had found it in her search and made sure I looked it up to put it all together. So I did. It’s a bit odd and interesting all at once. I have watched it and have all sorts of thoughts. (Here is the link too: https://www.nfb.ca/series/le-son-des-francais-damerique-english-version/season1/les-gens-du-plaisir-en/ )

Clothilde was an only child. She never had any other children other than my dad. It appears she may have gotten married again, but never had another child with her husband. In my Ancestry.com searches, there is no more paths from her name. Cannot find a grave. Cannot find a burial. What I have is below:

Died young. Close to my dad’s age. What I can piece together on ancestry is below. And if we put this all into perspective, she died before I was even born. So in a way, it is comforting knowing that I didn’t ‘just miss out’ on finding her. I wasn’t even here. My dad hadn’t even met my mom yet. Finding her wasn’t on my dad’s radar.

I have found no pictures of Clothilde online. No obituary. No photos shared on ancestry. She is a mystery. I do, as you saw above, have video of my great-grandfather though. Which is absolutely insane. And what I did four weeks ago is more insane: I decided to google up one of the directors of that documentary. His name is Andre’ Gladu. And according to the internet, he is still alive.

I found him on Facebook and sent him a message. He has not replied yet, or read it. So a few days ago I sent him a friend request. I have no clue if he will read it or acknowledge it. If someone wants to help a girl out and see if he’ll read this, work your magic:

So. I learned my grandmother’s name. Clothilde Lemay. My dad’s biological mom. This was always what I wanted to find out. I was met with so many emotions over those first days of finding out. I cried. I felt sad for her and her story. To have a son, to have to give him up….to get married but never have a second chance at her own family…dying young….it’s crazy. I was always on the search for my dad’s birth mom and I was worried that now, with now knowing the name and even now months later not knowing much about her at all…that this was all for nothing.

But trust me. It only gets better from here.

And that will be part of Act III.

Sep17

So close, yet so far…

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So that post I did a little bit ago, about all the information I was getting close to sharing? I’m kind of stuck.

See, this blog was originally started because I was going to talk about my running, my love for Disney world, and my dad. In 2013, I did a ton of races, raised money for American Heart Association & Heart and Stroke Foundation, and trained for RunDisney races like a boss. I did this all for the memory of my dad and it helped me focus on something positive surrounding the still tough-for-me grieving process.

I always hoped we could find information about my dad’s birth family, as he was adopted. For those who haven’t followed for a long time, my dad was adopted from an orphanage in Quebec City in 1954. He was born there in 1952.

I have done DNA tests with 23 and Me and Ancestry in hopes that someone close enough in relation would pop up. 4th, 5th, 6th cousins are galore. But that doesn’t really get you anywhere.

The first week in August, a woman with the closest connection yet to me on 23 and me from my father’s side showed up.On 23 and Me I know with certainty it’s from my dad’s side, as my mom has done the DNA testing and it can sort based on us connecting as mother/daughter on the page. I messaged this woman, and then shortly after her father had results on the page too. He was even a stronger match.

I have messaged him lots in the past month. He is around 80, lives near Montreal. The predicted relationship according to 23 and Me is that he is my 1st Cousins 1x Removed. The chart on 23 and Me shows that his grandparent would be my great grandparent. He and my dad have the same grandparents!

Not just relying on 23 and Me, this man’s brother does a lot of genealogy tracking for the family on his own. I gave my contact all the dates and information that would be helpful, and in talking with his brother, they narrowed down their ‘candidates’ of family members who may have been my dad’s birth mom.

They are pretty confident they know who is my dad’s mom. I have a first name. They have sent me a few photos of the woman. They have given me bits and pieces of her past which then make sense to the whole story….born in 1926, a ton of other siblings, she was still living at home in the late 40s/early 50s when all the others had moved away. They remember her saying in 1951 she was heading to the US for a nanny position….that’s when we assume she went to the orphanage as an out of wedlock woman to have my dad in secret.

She ended up getting married in 1955/56 and had a family of her own. But then she sort of removed herself from the rest of the family. My contact said her and her husband eventually separated, but her children are still alive….but he is not sure of what their relationship with their parents has been. She passed away at some point, though her death and reason for death isn’t really known.

I am so close. The potential mother of my dad, my grandma….her kids are still alive. My dad’s potential half siblings. My contact knows where her oldest son is right now, as he put it “alive and well” and in his 60s. But he hasn’t spoken to him in around 15-20 years. He is unsure about approaching him in regards to this situation. I have offered to pay for a 23 and Me test for this potential half brother of my dad. I need answers.

I have been trying to do some digging on Ancestry. I paid for a membership again. Canadian records don’t seem as readily available as US or world records. I am just searching on my own to try to close in on some things. I am not contacting anyone. I am hoping that my contact will decide a time to talk to the one son and we can connect that way.

I don’t want anything from the family other than to have a confirmed blood-line connection to someone who is related to my dad. The closest relationship possible. My dad lived a blessed life. IT was actually a pretty privilege childhood. He was very lucky to have been raised by my grandparents and have his brother Ed. And if this life hadn’t happened for him, he would have never met my mom, he would have never had me, I would have never met Dan, and we wouldn’t have Andy. Things obviously happen for a reason. But now, I want to unlock the past.